photo credit: suchitra prints(Away for a few days)

What’s all this talk about daily routines, exercise, working out, walking.  Well, all these are great things  for staying fit and healthy, but how about some good humor to add to that routine.

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $5000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he’s 97 years old
And we don’t know where he is.

I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I’m doing..

photo credit: TheGirlsNY

This is a very memorable year in many different ways, and there is no need for me to make a list, since everyone is glued to the daily news, thus well aware of it all.

I wanted to add some humor to lighten things up a little, so here are some pictures of  the latest

SPECIAL BIRTHDAYS:

This is Barbie’s 50th Birthday!!!!

Tweety Bird’s 60th Birthday!!!!

This one speaks for itself!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL!!!!!!

It’s time for some fun….Lets reminisce about the wonderful movie “The Sound of Music”, and the star actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews.  A friend of mine sent me this email, and ever since I read it, I can’t get the song out of my mind, so I am passing it on to you all, to try the new lyrics.

To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at
Manhattan ’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.
One of the musical numbers she performed was ‘My Favorite Things’  from the legendary
movie ‘Sound Of Music’.   Here are the lyrics she used:
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > >
(Sing It!)  – If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and  handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair tha! t is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I’ve had,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> >

photo credit: gwydionwilliams

I love receiving and saving humorous emails.   I promised you that I will share most of them with you, and this one is quite fitting for publishing on my blog.

I was tearing up from laughing, while reading this for the first time, because I can easily think of few people who fit into this category, and any multi-tasker can attest to this as well, including myself.

A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests itself:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I head towards the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I picked up from the post man earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the recycling box under the table, and notice that the recycling box is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the recycling first.

But then I think, since I’m going to be near the post-box when I take out the recycling paper anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and notice that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the cup of coffee I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coffee aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The coffee is getting cold, and I decide to make another cup.
As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a vase of flowers on the worktop catches my eye – the flowers need water.
I put the coffee on the worktop and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I put the glasses back down on the worktop, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote control. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I put the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn’t washed,  the bills aren’t paid,  there is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter, the flowers don’t have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can’t find the remote,

I can’t find my glasses, and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail….

Don’t laugh – if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

I hope you had a good laugh!!!!  I sure did!!!

photo credit: torres21

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ”

ON PURPOSE!

1.. Men are NOT mind readers.

1…Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1… Crying is blackmail.

1… Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1… Learn to work the toilet seat.

• You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
• We need it up, you need it down.

You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1… Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1… Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1… Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1… If you think you’re fat, you probably are.

Don’t ask us.

1… If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1… You can either ask us to do something ,Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1… Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1…Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1… ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

• Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
• Pumpkin is also a fruit.
• We have no idea what mauve is.

1… If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1… If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1… When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1… Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball

or golf.

1… You have enough clothes.

1…You have too many shoes.

1…I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1…Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

A friend of mine sent the above text to me via email, so I thought it would be real fun, to post it for all the Fathers, and Fathers-to-be. I hope you enjoyed it, and it put a smile on your face on your special day!!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!!!

photo credit: katkimchee

It is a well known fact, that children do say the darnedest things, and they always do it in such a sweet and honest way.

Have fun reading these, and you’ll see what I mean.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by year 2 school children, to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I’d die it, maybe blue.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms, and Moms to Be!!!!

photo credit: pulguita

You must be as tired as I am, of dealing with the sudden bout of the “heat wave” (while our thermostats are still on the Heat setting, rather than the AC), the “global” outbreak of the swine flu, the continuously lousy economy…..I better stop here while I’m still ahead.   So how about a little humor?  Nothing can be better than our good old Abbott and Costello.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.

ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:  Hello I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:  Mac?

COSTELLO:  No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT:  Your computer?

COSTELLO:  I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:  Mac?

COSTELLO:  I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT:  What about Windows?

COSTELLO:  Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT:  Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:  I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:  Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:  Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:  Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:  No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT:  Office.

COSTELLO:  Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:  I just did.

COSTELLO:   You just did what?

ABBOTT:  Recommend something.

COSTELLO:   You recommended something?

ABBOTT:  Yes.

COSTELLO:  For my office?

ABBOTT:  Yes

COSTELLO:  OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:  Office.

COSTELLO:  Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:   I recommend Office with Windows

COSTELLO:  I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want

to type a proposal.  What do I need?

ABBOTT:  Word.

COSTELLO:  What word?

ABBOTT:   Word in Office.

COSTELLO:  The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:  The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:  Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:  The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO:  I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:  Money.

COSTELLO:  That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:  Money.

COSTELLO:  I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:  It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO:  What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:   Money.

COSTELLO:  Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:  Yes.  No extra charge.

COSTELLO:  I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:  One copy.

COSTELLO:  Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:  Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO:  They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:  Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:  How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT:  Click on ‘START’

Hopefully I was able to put a smile on your face, even if only for a couple of minutes.

Life is short, enjoy it!

This weekend I had a very special guest at my house, who watched me work on my next post for my blog.  After sitting there patiently, as not to interrupt my train of thought, he decided to help out….after all…isn’t that what friends are for?  As he was hard at work, I decided to chip in by taking a few pictures of this event, and sharing them with you.  By the way, his name is Kiwi, and besides being a diligent writer, he is a devout singer.

Kiwi is sitting quietly…. brainstorming……gathering his thoughts……..still kind of in a daze….

Now he is contemplating the correct title for the post……..

Ok….. he also wants to include his profile…….

All ready to go…..”pecking’ away at his story…….

Pheeew…. this is exhausting…… this blogging thing is definitely not “for the birds”……..who made up this expression, anyway…….

I hope you enjoyed this  story, as much as I enjoyed his company.

If you want to share your pet story, please email it to me, include your pet’s picture (if you wish), and I will post it on this blog.

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

10. Cats’ facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.

8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

photo credit: bcreamer_bigd

As I was visiting the latest post on AllWomenStalk, I realized that I have a very appropriate post to share, and add some humor to their post (the last two lines are my favorite), so here it is:

********************

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’

‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told me.

‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.

‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ I asked.

‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’

‘Well, I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’

The homeless woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

I said, ‘That’s okay.

It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.