The long, cold, snowy days of Winter are beginning to get the best of us by now, and cabin fever might be setting in.  So the best thing to remedy this feeling is to have some great comfort food, and some good humor.

So don’t you agree that it is time again for some Maxine humor?

I totally love Maxine’s wonderful humor, and I am sure all of you do as well, so here it is.

• Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

• Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

• Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

• Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

• They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

• He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

• Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  

  The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

Hopefully you had a good laugh, or at least a chuckle.

Now you are feeling relaxed, and ready to think about Spring.

The holiday  hustle and bustle is almost over (don’t count your blessings yet….it starts all over again in the  New Year, you knew that, right?), so lets take some time out for a good laugh.

Nothing beats fun “wisdom” from Maxine:

****My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

****I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

****Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

****I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

****Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

****You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

****Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

****Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

****You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

****I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

****Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

****God must love stupid people; He made so many.

****The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

****Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

****Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Are you feeling better yet? Good!

You know that laughter is not only the best medicine, but it also burns calories!!

photo credit: miamis

Give a man a fish

and

he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish,

and

he will sit in a boat

and

drink beer all day

It has been a while since I had some fun stuff on this blog.

Even I miss it already….

I love Maxine humor, so here is some for you to enjoy:

I guess this should do it.

At least now you have some

“words of wisdom”

to arm yourself with,

in case you need a “come back” line for today!!

photo credit: John Tann

It’s time to post some humor…..

it’s been a while,

don’t you agree?

I received this one in an email from a friend of mine who loves humor, and thought it would be fun to share it with all of you.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband standing around with a fly swatter

“What are you doing?”

She asked.

“Hunting Flies”

He responded.

“Oh. !

Killing any?”

She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,”

he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.

“How can you tell them apart?”

He responded,

“3 were on a beer can,

2 were on the phone

We all have good days and those “not so good” days.

Having a good day all the time would be boring, but then again, having a bad day all the time would be depressing.

Are there any days that are just perfect?  Well, it depends what perfect means.

Here are some cute pictures describing such days, to put a smile on your face:

A bad hair day….

Caught in the rain…

Failed diet….

The flue…(or hangover…)

Trapped…..

Work out burn out….

photo credit: thinbegin

As you already know I do enjoy humor, and humerous emails, and once this one came around, I just had to share it with you.

As funny as it sounds, I am sure we all can identify with these in some way or another, and unfortunately many people are sensitive enough to become affected by all the stuff they read.

However, don’t stress over it, relax, and take it with a grain of salt, since you can’t believe everything you read….as you already know that.

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

• I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

• I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

• I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

• I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although mobile phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

• Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

• I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

• I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

• ALSO,  now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

• I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

• I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

• I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

• I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

• I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

• THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

• BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

• I no longer can buy petrol or diesel without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

• I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

• I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

• AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.

• I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

• I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

• I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

• I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
  [See the attached file]

• I no longer buy expensive cookies from M&S since I now have their recipe.

• THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. (The lesser spotted African barking spider?)

• AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up £2.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

• I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy petrol from certain fuel companies!

• I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

• I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

• Oh, by the way…..A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

• Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

Since I started my “October – A Fun Month” posts with Maxine, so it’s only fitting that I finish it the same way.

Here is some advice from Maxine, which might come pretty handy for you some day!!!

I hope you had fun following all my posts this month.

I sure had fun posting them, and chuckling, over and over again.

I’m sure you will agree that walking is very beneficial for our body and mind.

I previously posted Part I of “The Importance of Walking”, now you get to enjoy Part II.

I joined a health club last year,
Spent about 700 Dollars.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they’ll say,
‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,……
Just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

AND last but not least:

Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

photo credit: daniel.julia

You know how some days you just have that special feeling that things will turn out a certain way?  I am not sure if you would call it an intuition, or a common sense.

Well, I have a perfect humor to share with you on that subject, so you be the judge.

HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN IT’S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY

• You wake up face down on the pavement
• You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any
• Your spouse says “Good Morning, Pat”, and your name is Chris
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
• You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city
• You wake up and discover your waterbed broke — and then you realize that you don’t have a waterbed
• Your twin sister forgot your birthday
• The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
• You wake up and your braces are locked together
• You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business
• Your income tax refund check bounces
• Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angles on the freeway
• Your boss tells you not to take off your coat
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye
• You walk to work and then find that your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose