photo credit: elaine…

I am sure we all have been there and done that….organizing an office party for the Holidays.  As easy as it may seem, or it should be,  it is NOT.  It is difficult enough to organize a Teleconference or a large meeting, but to organize a party is a totally different experience.  Well, if you are the lucky one who is in charge of this task this year, take a deep breath, lay back, relax,  and read on…..

YOU WILL LOVE IT!!!!!

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November

RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free
to sing along.

And don’t be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,  no
gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone’s pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make  a
special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All
Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party.’ The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE : 6th November
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that  reads,
“AA Only,” you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!
How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management
believe £10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate  our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing
allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> TO: All F****** Employees

> DATE: 8 November

> RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

> Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death”.

> You’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.

> They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing
them scream right NOW!!

> Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director

> DATE: 9th November

> RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

> I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
> In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party  and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with  full pay.

I received this text, via email, from one of my colleagues in the UK (as you probably noticed the “£”).  I totally loved it, and could not stop laughing as I continued to read on.   It sure is funny, but at the same time, very relevant.  Don’t you think?

Enjoy your party planning, even though “our Pauline” had an earlier start, so maybe short notice will work out better for you.  As for me, I will pass, on this “pleasant” task, and give  someone else a chance to have all the fun!!