We naturally associate children with mothers, so this post is perfect for Mother’s Day.

Moms always work so hard to provide love and comfort for their families, that do not set aside enough time to relax, enjoy life, and have fun.

If you spend some time around small children, you will agree that what they say, is not always what you expect to hear.

They mean well, but how they say it, can often times turn out sounding quite hilarious.

Today I will share with you an email excerpt I received from a friend, which will definitely lighten up your day, and put a smile on your face.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.

THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.

INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.

GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH

OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.

NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.

NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF

FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY

HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY

A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE

UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.

AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN

COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE

APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT

ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED

THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS

SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE

LIAR.

HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN

BIBLICAL TIMES..

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700

PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE

MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY

FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE

CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO

OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.

HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND

MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12

DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A

TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY

ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.

THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Red Rose - Fall bloomGorgeous Zinnia FlowerWhite Hibiscus  flower close up

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!

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2 Responses

  1. Diana

    May 16th, 2012 at 12:20 am

    1

    Hi SG!!

    How are you? Happy late Mother’s Day! I hope you enjoyed the day with your kids and grandkids. I always love reading what kids say about the bible, how the world works, and things like that!

    Sending my love! xoxo

  2. Suburban Grandma

    May 16th, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    2

    Thank you dear! You are so nice and thoughtful.
    My mother’s day was very nice. I’m sure your step-daughters made yours very nice as well. They are so creative (as I remember from your previous posts).
    Happy late Mother’s Day to you as well!
    Love hearing from you.


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